Valentine’s Day: a time to focus on your marriage


Valentine’s Day is next week. It is a day that is loved by those who are half of a happy couple and dreaded or ignored by those who aren’t.
I have a friend who chooses to celebrate the day as National Singles Awareness Day. But while the day may be a difficult one for those who are single and don’t want to be, it may be the hardest on those who are part of a couple that are having relationship problems.
God’s intention for a marriage is for a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman. God hates divorce. As someone who has been divorced, I would be a hypocrite to say I don’t think there is ever a reason to divorce. If you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help.
Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” An abuser is not following that command.
Where the real problem lies, is when a marriage is looked at as a “trial.” A term that I have heard is “starter marriage.”
Really? What is a starter marriage? Is that like a starter home, where you get something less than your ideal until you can afford what you really want? Will you ever really find that ideal, where everything is perfect? If so you are living in a dream world because no person is perfect – only Jesus was perfect.
Every marriage faces problems. Children, finances, temptations, anger and every day situations can all put a strain on a relationship. It is how you handle these situations that can make or break a marriage.
Problems can put negative thoughts in your head and, unchecked, these thoughts can make a minor problem seem like a hurdle that can’t be overcome.
Your spouse’s skipped turn doing dishes escalates into “I have to do everything myself,” and eventually to “Life would be easier if I was just on my own.” It is this downward spiral that spells an end to many marriages today.
There are problems that are much more difficult to overcome such as infidelity or addictions. Even these, though, don’t necessarily have to mean the end of your commitment to one another. Getting Christian counseling in these situations, however, would be a good idea.
Marriage is a vow made to your spouse and to God, to maintain a loving, faithful lifelong relationship. It takes real commitment to make it work.
It isn’t just you and your spouse in the marriage, God is part of the commitment as well. When things start to get hard, turn to God for the answers. Let His word be the way.
Imagine buying an older home instead of the perfect one. A home that you spend years getting fixed up just the way you want it, that you pour your hard work and love into, that you make uniquely yours. When that home is fixed up just the way you want it, you will cherish it and not be so quick to want to move onto “something better.”
Now look at your marriage the same way. Instead of looking at it as a starter marriage look at it as a lifetime marriage. It can be whatever you make it. If you and your spouse choose to have a happy marriage, you will. As for me, I choose to recognize every day what a blessing I have in my husband.
I challenge you to use Valentine’s Day as a time to recommit to your marriage.