Sharing is an important aspect of marriage

    I have been sitting in front of my computer trying to write a column for almost an hour. I picked a topic that I felt I wanted to write about and started typing only to discover that finding the words was a struggle.
    One thing I have learned since I started writing my columns is that if the words don’t come, I am not writing about what the Lord wants me to write about. So I have put that column aside for a while and am starting over.
    Actually I am just thankful to be in my office and working this morning. Rich got ill last week and, being the generous husband he is, shared that illness with me. He did offer to buy surgical masks so he won’t give me his germs next time but I declined his loving offer as I assured him that I would be more than happy to return his generosity the next time I am ill.
    Sharing is a big part of marriage. I truly am blessed to have a husband that shares everything with me, not only materially but also emotionally and spiritually.
    To have someone you can talk to about anything and know you are understood is an amazing feeling.
    Having someone to share my beliefs and find answers together and pray together is truly uplifting. Knowing that no matter what comes our way, our love for God and for each other will pull us through is what truly cements our marriage.
    I would not want to be in a marriage where my husband did not share my love for God or my desire to follow His path. Marriage can be hard enough at times without having to fight that battle.
    I know there are many people in that situation, where one spouse is walking with God and the other is not. Maybe one of them was on the right path and lost their way for a while. Unfortunately that happens but all is not lost.
    Through God all things are possible. By going to Him through prayer and turning the situation over to Him, we put it in his hands.
    Then comes the hard part – waiting. I hate waiting. God is constantly working on me with patience.
    Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
    Through your faith, and in His time, your prayers will be answered. They may not be answered in quite the way you expect but in the way He knows is best.
    Meanwhile just keep strong in your faith and love of God. Find someone to talk to who will encourage you such as a pastor, mentor or Christian friend.
    Sometimes both husband and wife may be lost. In those situations it is up to family and friends to pray for them and to tell them about Jesus.
    Those of us who are in a strong Christian marriage should act as mentors to those who are not. One way to do that is to always treat each other as God intended us to and let others see that. We should always show our love and respect for each other in everything we do.
    When others come to us for advice we should make sure we give them Godly counsel, not worldly counsel. Don’t just tell them what they want to hear, tell them what they need to hear. Help them search God’s word to find the answers they seek.
    They may not always like what you have to say and you may even lose a friend for a while, but you also may help save a marriage. The only way to a strong marriage is God’s way.

Reach for love to conquer terrible, rotten days


Have you ever had a one of those “terrible, rotten days” when you are just radiating bad mood vibes? Well I have discovered that there are certain times of the year that promote that type of day.
I work in an office with mostly women. Several of those women are single. That idea you get from commercials and sales pitches about Valentine’s Day being the most romantic day of the year and everyone is happy and in love? Not so for everyone. In fact, for some people it is one of those “terrible, rotten days.”
The moods of the female population of our newsroom on Valentine’s Day sent the lone male occupant scurrying for cover.
The husbands and boyfriends of those paired up in the office who scored big with their loving gestures had other eyes in the office blazing green with envy. Those green eyes made that beautiful vase of roses sitting on a coworkers desk appear as repulsive as a steaming pile of dog poo.
Just the words Valentines or love evoked looks of malice. The expression “love you” was changed to “love stinks.” It was definitely not an atmosphere of love and romance. In fact, anyone coming into the office was well advised to have their shield up coming through the door and full armor on by the time they reached the newsroom. And if that someone happened to be male, look out!
As eyes welled with tears and the females worked hard to bolster each other’s spirits with humor and small Valentine gifts to each other, I was reminded of something my pastor spoke on just a couple days ago. We are not to envy other people but to be happy for them.
We are to love one another as God loves us. Love does not envy – love rejoices.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
We shouldn’t be mad because someone got something we didn’t get but be happy for them and know that good things are coming our way in the right time.
When we walk with God we are filled with love and what we, or others, have or don’t have does not matter. Instead we strive to bless others and to share our love with them.
Sharing our love with others is a blessing to them and inspires others. It can lift other people up and help them move closer to God. God uses people to bless people.
Even if your desk is void of that vase of flowers or box of chocolates, that does not mean you aren’t loved. You have the greatest love of all – God’s love. Let God be your Valentine. It doesn’t get any better than that.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:34-35

Mountains and Valleys

   The saying goes that life is full of ups and downs. One day you may be at the top of the mountain and the next day you are in a rock slide on the way to the valley below. Sometimes it feels like you will never climb out of that valley. As soon as you get a few steps up the mountain something causes you to slip back down.
   I have been feeling that way lately. There are parts of my life that are great. I am married to the love of my life, we have a home, jobs, our health and our children are all healthy. That is a life filled with blessings and what I wake up thankful for each morning.
   Then the trials come in and you wonder if you will ever reach the top of that mountain or you will always get knocked back down just as you get close. Even when your children get older you feel their problems and hurts as your own. Even if you feel close to the top of that mountain in your own life, if your children are facing trials it will halt your ascent.
   I told my mother-in-law yesterday that just once I'd like to see the view from the top of that mountain. She told me to give everything over to God and leave it there. Not to give it to Him then take it back down off the shelf. She is a very wise woman!
   After a lot of prayer and quiet time with God, I have come to the realization that I will not reach the top of that mountain in my lifetime. That there will always be trials but that whatever they are the Lord will carry me, and my family, through. And I will reach the top of that mountain - when I am called home to be with Jesus.
   So I will relish the time I am in the valley or half way up that mountain. I will grow stronger each time I fall down and climb back up. I will continue to look up and reach for the top. And when Jesus looks down and reaches out his Hand I will be lifted up to the most glorious mountain top.

It's been a while

Sometimes life gets busy and we let things slide by unnoticed, even things that are important to us. I started this blog to post my weekly columns but also as a way to remind myself of the amazing things God does in my life every day. Then I started posting less and less until I haven't posted at all for several months. When I was asked about the blog a few days ago I was inspired to start posting again. So much has been going on in my life and God has been there beside me through it all. There is no way I can talk about it all right now, but will try to share it a little at a time. God is good all the time and His love is forever. I posted my latest column and will try to get in the habit of a daily post. Smile, it is going to be a wonderful and blessed day!

Valentine’s Day: a time to focus on your marriage


Valentine’s Day is next week. It is a day that is loved by those who are half of a happy couple and dreaded or ignored by those who aren’t.
I have a friend who chooses to celebrate the day as National Singles Awareness Day. But while the day may be a difficult one for those who are single and don’t want to be, it may be the hardest on those who are part of a couple that are having relationship problems.
God’s intention for a marriage is for a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman. God hates divorce. As someone who has been divorced, I would be a hypocrite to say I don’t think there is ever a reason to divorce. If you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help.
Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” An abuser is not following that command.
Where the real problem lies, is when a marriage is looked at as a “trial.” A term that I have heard is “starter marriage.”
Really? What is a starter marriage? Is that like a starter home, where you get something less than your ideal until you can afford what you really want? Will you ever really find that ideal, where everything is perfect? If so you are living in a dream world because no person is perfect – only Jesus was perfect.
Every marriage faces problems. Children, finances, temptations, anger and every day situations can all put a strain on a relationship. It is how you handle these situations that can make or break a marriage.
Problems can put negative thoughts in your head and, unchecked, these thoughts can make a minor problem seem like a hurdle that can’t be overcome.
Your spouse’s skipped turn doing dishes escalates into “I have to do everything myself,” and eventually to “Life would be easier if I was just on my own.” It is this downward spiral that spells an end to many marriages today.
There are problems that are much more difficult to overcome such as infidelity or addictions. Even these, though, don’t necessarily have to mean the end of your commitment to one another. Getting Christian counseling in these situations, however, would be a good idea.
Marriage is a vow made to your spouse and to God, to maintain a loving, faithful lifelong relationship. It takes real commitment to make it work.
It isn’t just you and your spouse in the marriage, God is part of the commitment as well. When things start to get hard, turn to God for the answers. Let His word be the way.
Imagine buying an older home instead of the perfect one. A home that you spend years getting fixed up just the way you want it, that you pour your hard work and love into, that you make uniquely yours. When that home is fixed up just the way you want it, you will cherish it and not be so quick to want to move onto “something better.”
Now look at your marriage the same way. Instead of looking at it as a starter marriage look at it as a lifetime marriage. It can be whatever you make it. If you and your spouse choose to have a happy marriage, you will. As for me, I choose to recognize every day what a blessing I have in my husband.
I challenge you to use Valentine’s Day as a time to recommit to your marriage.

With the Lord beside us, we are never alone

There are times in our lives where we feel completely overwhelmed and to the point of shutting down. We may have everyday life pressures plus other circumstances that add extra stress or takes us completely out of our comfort zone. Added all together, the burden on our shoulders gets so heavy we can’t move under the weight.
I found myself there recently. I just wanted to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. Instead I picked up my Bible and retreated to my chair in the backyard. After some time in prayer, reading the Word and quiet reflection I realized something. I don’t have to carry the weight on my shoulders myself.
Matthew 11:28 says, “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
Even when we feel most alone, we are not. Sometimes I wish there was someone right beside me telling what to do and how to do it. Yes, I have my family and they are always there for me, but there are some things we have to do for ourselves. Even then, though, we are not really alone. God is always there to help us through every trial, big or small.
Hebrews 13:6 says, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
You may think, “But I need someone right here, who I can see and talk to.” OK, so maybe you can’t see God in a physical, human form. You can see Him in everything around you though, if you just open you eyes and look. Maybe you aren’t going to have a back and forth conversation with Him as you would another person, but you can definitely talk to and hear back from Him.
There are so many ways the Lord has of speaking to us. The Bible is his living word and we can always turn to it for guidance.
Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.”
I find that if I spend time talking to God in prayer, he will often lead me to a particular passage or verse in the Bible as His answer, or response.
Another way the Lord speaks to us is through other people. He may use the words of others to speak what we need to hear.
I had some things weighing heavily on my heart recently that I had been praying about. At church, the Pastor had us separate into groups and pray together.
The prayer of one of our group members spoke directly to my heart on the issues I had been praying about. I felt the weight being lifted from my shoulders and a peace settle over me.
God was speaking to me through this person. I have had the same happen through song lyrics or just a simple conversation.
What we have to remember is when we get to the point of feeling overwhelmed, we need to know that we are never alone. What better helper can we have beside us than our Father? His power and love is so awesome that with Him beside us nothing can ever defeat us.
Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Trials bring growth, strength where needed most

When new believers turn their life over to the Lord, many of them expect their lives to suddenly become charmed, magical almost. The thinking is that God is going to put an invisible bubble around you that keeps evil and hard times away.
Well, that isn’t the case. If everything in your life was perfect, if you had no trials, after a while you would think you no longer needed God. That He isn’t necessary. That thinking is so wrong.
I think that when you start becoming stronger in your walk with God it is almost like an alarm goes off that alerts Satan and sets him out to try his hardest to tempt you away from God. Suddenly things start going wrong, life gets hard, then you have a decision to make.
You know that image you see in movies or cartoons where the devil is on one shoulder and an angel on the other? We have times in our lives that are really like that.
We have to make the decision to take the road through our trials that will lead to our ultimate victory even though it may be a rough ride at times, or we turn away from God and go with whatever is easiest or “more fun.”
Some of the trials we have are to strengthen us in areas we most need work – for me that seems to be patience and obedience. Obviously I am a slow learner otherwise I would be the most patient person in the world by now. Children, jobs, relationships, family and every day life are all trials of patience.
Obedience is a hard one. Instead of listening and doing things God’s way I have a really bad habit of wanting to do them my way. I have become an expert at rationalizing why I should or shouldn’t do something.
My internal dialogue may go something like this, “That can’t be what He really wants, maybe what I am really supposed to do is this.” Just so you know, that doesn’t usually go so well for me. I look back and realize if I had listened in the first place, things would have turned out much differently.
In being obedient to the Lord we are to hear His word and do his will.
James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
In some cases that is easy. I have no intention or desire to ever commit murder, adultery or steal.
In some cases it is not so easy, such as when God commands you to do something you can’t see how, in your worldly mind, will be possible. It’s a good thing the world’s way isn’t God’s way. He can do things and make things happen in ways we can’t even begin to imagine.
What if we didn’t listen to God and decided to go our own way instead? That happens and will happen again. As a consequence we will go through hard times we wouldn’t have faced otherwise or miss out on a blessing that was planned for us. But all is not lost.
Because we have been given the gift of forgiveness we have the chance to confess our disobedience to the Lord and receive his mercy and complete forgiveness. Then we can make the right decision, the decision to do things God’s way.
Romans 11:30-31 says, “Just as you who were at one time disobedient to God have now received mercy as a result of their disobedience, so they too have now become disobedient in order that they too may now receive mercy as a result of God’s mercy to you.”